Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
