what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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