Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
