She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
