I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
