after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
