You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
