You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
