i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
