Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
