the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
