i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
