ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
