I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
