When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
