spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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