drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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