my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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