i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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