I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
