Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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