Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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