i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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