Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
