my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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