my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
