They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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