Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
