i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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