he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
