Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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