I just saw a hot homeless man
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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