I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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