According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
