i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
