Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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