i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
