dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
