I hate your face
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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