his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
