What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
