You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
