I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
