I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
