can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
