Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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