Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
