its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
