Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
