And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, beer. Big fan.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
