coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
