i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
