Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
