Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
