He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
