dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
