he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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