I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
